


Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner

by sexyshulk



Category: Super Smash Brothers, 新・光神話 パルテナの鏡 | Kid Icarus: Uprising (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Food Critic, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Fanfiction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parody, Pit's gluttony finally pays off, inspired by The Simpsons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-15 23:32:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexyshulk/pseuds/sexyshulk
Summary: Pit becomes a food critic by whim for the newspaper after wandering off from his middle school tour. He ends up annoying the restaurant owners of Smashfield after he gives into peer pressure from the other critics and makes negative remarks just to be mean.A parody of The Simpsons episode with the exact same title.





	1. Pit's Hidden Talent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I read too much parody, troll and crack fanfiction and end up watching one of my favorite Simpsons episodes on top of it. So in the spur of the moment, I present to you, a parody of one of my favorite episodes.
> 
> I will confess, it took a while to actually figure out how to place this together because for starters, while it is easy to go by the episode completely with only changing a few names here and there, I decided to actually mesh and even change up some of the lines to some which suit the characters better. A parody isn't really fun unless you challenge yourself by doing so (while keeping some of the funny stuff of course).
> 
> Anyways, I do not own The Simpsons, Super Smash Brothers or any of the other franchises implemented in this story.  
> The same can also go for original characters... well, one of them is an alternative version of an existing character but they don't show up until the next chapter.

It was another beautiful day in the city of Smashfield. The skies were clear as a few clouds passed by, following the path of the wind which blew southeast. Students and faculty alike gathered around outside of Smashfield Middle School, inching their way towards the entrance as Principal Frederick cleared his throat.

"I hope you all enjoy your ride to and tour of Smashfield Shopper newspaper," he simply exclaimed. "Groundskeeper Sara and I will stay behind to remove all traces of asbestos and the word "evolution" from our school."

Little did Frederick know, Sara walked towards the entrance, clutching onto a pitcher of a mixed, alcoholic beverage as she pushed the door open, startling the stern principal.

"Next stop, Margaritaville! Uh –oh they're still here."

"Yes." Frederick fixed up his tie and folded his arms behind his back as Sara stepped back inside the school building. "Now I'd like to ask each child to pair up with a buddy so no one gets lost."

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen Popo since the last field trip," Dark Pit brought up, rubbing the bottom of his chin. Pit faced his brother, exchanging a perplexed look as if the name sound vaguely familiar yet he couldn't quite put a face on it. Meanwhile, Frederick chuckled sheepishly at the black angel's comment.

"Popo? I don't remember any Popo." His statement was immediately followed by more hesitant laughter. "Silly name. Popo."

In the crowd of volunteers, Pit was amazed to see Palutena leaning against her vehicle.

"Lady Palutena," he chirped, "It's great that you volunteered to drive but how did you get out of work?"

"About that," the goddess replied, "there's nothing to worry about Pit. In fact, I already got it covered."

Back in Skyworld, a poorly constructed clone of Palutena crafted with a floor length green wig perched on a bucket, donned her signature cream gown as a tape recorder sat in its lap on autoplay.

"I work hard for the money. So hard for the money. Oh, something-something money, come on and give me lots of honey."

As the "doppelganger" was in its own world just in time for the goddess's inspection, Zeus and Hermes traveled through her temple, taking note of the Goddess of Light's enthusiasm.

"Now there's a deity, Hermes. A smile on her lips and a song in her heart. Promote her."

The false goddess now sat inside a fancy, marbled office with the most decadent of curtains and the finest furniture known to gods. The tape continued playing while it requested it to be turned over, getting warbled as it blew a fuse, instantly igniting into flames which hastily spread throughout the room.

* * *

In the meantime, the real Palutena drove Pit, Dark Pit, Viridi and Morgan to their destination.

"Hey! I know how we can have some fun. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with a D," the angel beamed.

"Dingus!" Dark Pit proceeded to punch his brother on his head, knocking the older angel out. Palutena slightly turned her head, exchanging a stern look with the other twin.

"Pittoo! What did I say about hitting your brother?!" she scolded.

"Beats me," he casually replied, smirking. "And for the last time, quit calling me that already!"

Palutena took a deep breath as she kept her main focus on the road. She made a mental note to reprimand the younger twin later but for now, her mind was occupied with other things. While the goddess became engulfed by her own thoughts, another vehicle suddenly cut her off, causing her to swerve for a slight moment as the tires screeched on the road. Moreover, Palutena honked the horn in frustration.

"Hey, you fucker! You cut me off!" Palutena proceeds to swerve the car once again, trying to find an opening to cut them off in return. "Oh yeah! Fuck you!"

Viridi turned her gaze towards the angry goddess, rolling her eyes. She wondered if Palutena's age was starting to finally get to her however refrained herself from mentioning it. Instead, she decided to point out the obvious which for some reason, the older goddess was completely oblivious to.

"Hello," the Goddess of Nature chimed in, "that's an ambulance!"

"Oh—right!" Instead of responding rationally, Palutena honked her horn yet again. "Fucking ambulance! Think you're so big with your fucking siren and your letters on backwards!" Her vigorous statement was quickly followed by a sudden sharp turn, arriving at their destination. Before they knew it, Palutena parked the car and magically recovered from her road rage and smiled gently.

"Here we are kids, the zoo."

Dark Pit learned over the driver's seat and narrowed his eyes. "Well that's great Palutena—except you were supposed to drive us to the newspaper."

"D'oh!"

Her voice echoed throughout the zoo, startling some of the animals as the flamingos flew away, the elephants running eastward, the alligators diving back into their swamp and finally, a polar bear frantically leaping onto a moose as they took off to find solace.

* * *

After a few more minutes—to include more fighting with traffic and Pit's terrible puns, the group finally arrived at their destination, Palutena abruptly parking her vehicle in front of the entrance. Without further ado, the five of them rushed inside to join up with the others as the goddess clutched onto a balloon she obtained from said zoo earlier. The worker issuing the students the door waited patiently till they took their place before beginning their expedition.

"Welcome to the Smashfield Shopper, established in 1883," she began. "The newspaper was founded by Johnny Newspaperseed, a fourteen year old who roamed the world founding newspapers."

While the other students stared dumbfounded at their presenter, Pit on the other hand, slightly narrowed his gaze in bewilderment.

"If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"

The woman paused for a few seconds, recollecting her thoughts. She knew she could easily make up a false answer to throw off the white-winged angel yet debated against it. Instead, she did what everyone else issuing a tour would do—ignore his ridiculous question and presume on with the presentation.

"Over the years, the Shopper merged with the Smashfield Times, Post, Globe, Homs News and Hot Sex Weekly to become Smashfield's number-one newspaper." The woman trotted across the room, giving the children a visual of the other newspaper joints which existed prior before merging with the Shopper. She ushered the group to follow behind as they stormed through the hallways and into the office cubicles of their employees who were engrossed with their work. There were multiple activities taking place, ranging from phone calls, casual conversation to some being glued onto their computer screens.

"Wow, a bustling metropolitan newsrooms, funneling scoops all over the globe—and to think humans were such dreary creatures," Viridi commented with a small grin as she walked past a couple of cubicles with Morgan.

"Hi, are you interested in a subscription to the Shopper?" DK politely asked on the phone.

"Low introductory rates," Daisy advertised.

"No please, you gotta help ol' Pac-Man. What's it gonna take to keep you on the phone?" he desperately begged, trying his hardest to convey himself to his client. Pac-Man's face dropped in complete confusion as he paused before continuing. "Dance for ya? But you wouldn't even see it. You—"

Pac-Man chuckled nervously, giving into his potential customer's request. "All right. I'm dancing." He started humming a small tune, tapping his feet side to side as his free arm followed its motion.

As Pac-Man continued to follow orders, meanwhile the tour guide arrived at the next destination as a man was fixated on the comic strip he was drawing.

"And this is our comic strip department," the woman introduced. " _Who here reads The Adventures of Bomberman_?"

Not one single student answered, making things more awkward than usual. The woman lowered her brows, frowning before brushing off the unpleasant air between them. "Let's move on."

With those words, the Smashfield middle school students moved forward. Meanwhile, the comic artist frowned, feeling devastated no one even bothered to read his work. For their next destination, the students gazed their eyes upon a storage tank with two old Gerudo women resting inside.

"This is where we store Koume and Kotake for their twenty-three hours of daily sleep."

Koume lightly raised her head and glared. "My advice is to free us or let us die!"

* * *

Dark Pit wandered over to a computer which harbored various headlines from the day someone was born. Being curious, he couldn't help but call the jovial angel over to take a look.

"Check it out Pit-stain, you can print out the headline from the day you were born."

"Ooh! Pointless nostalgia!" Pit leaned over the monitor as he began typing in his birthdate. A few seconds later, a headline from December 18, XXXX popped up which read 'Unusually Small-winged, Baby Angel Born.' Pit pointed at the screen and chortled.

"I'd sure hate to be him." He chuckled some more before groaning, receiving an eye roll in turn from his twin.

Eventually the two caught up with everyone else as tons of newspapers were being developed as they speak.

"And to protect Mother Earth, each copy contains a certain percentage of recycled paper," the tour guide informed. Viridi on the other hand, wasn't buying it. As the Goddess of Nature, she wasn't one to fall for mortal tricks, especially when they were lying about their abuse towards her beloved trees and children.

"And what percent is that?" she asked.

"Zero!" Viridi scowled at the woman, who in turn, exchanged a worried look before defending her poor excuse. "Zero's a percent."

While Viridi made a mental note to vow revenge against the newspaper factory sometime, meanwhile Pit's caught sight of a sweet smell wafting its way towards the building. The sugary aroma was enough to make his stomach rumble, capturing his complete interest.

"Hey, I smell cake." Pit sniffed the air, allowing him to visualize exactly what type of cake it was. "Cake that says—Farewell and—Best wishes!" Pit took off from the tour in search of the cake which rested inside the newspaper facility. Ness was amazed by Pit's strong sense of smell.

"Your brother has an awesome nose!" The boy complimented, glancing towards Dark Pit.

"Oh that's nothing," Dark Pit replied, flinging his hand in a gesture, emphasizing his answer. "He can hear pudding."

* * *

Inside another room, a staggering woman clutched onto a wineglass, staring at her fellow colleagues. The room was decorated with red balloons, delectable edibles as the table was covered in a cheap, yellow tablecloth intended for parties. A neatly dressed gruff looking man clutched onto his wineglass before proceeding to speak.

"So, Bayonetta, this little shindig is our way of saying farewell to our favorite food critic."

In contrast, Bayonetta looked less than pleased with the entire set up, completely disappointed in their taste. "What can I say except thanks for the predictable champagne, pizza that's hardly numero uno and ice cream cake which reminds us why make thirty-one flavors when you can't even get vanilla right?"

Snake shook his head in disbelief. "I wouldn't want to be married to her. I mean, again."

While they were caught up in the Umbra Witch's disgust over the lackluster food and drink being provided, Pit quietly stood across the room, gorging himself with Bayonetta's retirement cake, hastily picking up the sugar-coated sponge drenched in vanilla ice cream with his hands. Everyone inside the room gawked at the angel while Bayonetta walked towards the table, staring at her defiled cake before averting her gaze towards the accomplice. The woman frowned, crossing her arms in repulsion by Pit's gluttony.

"Who are you and why are you ruining my retirement party?" Bayonetta questioned. Pit perked up, exchanging an uninterested look before placing his arms on his hips.

"I'll have you know, I wandered off from the tour." After replying, Pit proceeded to help himself to more of Bayonetta's retirement cake. Snake motioned towards the table, staring at the almost three-fourths eaten cake before giving his undivided attention towards the angel.

"Well, at least you like the food."

"Oh, I like food alright!" Pit gleefully exclaimed. The next thing Snake knew, the angel proceeded to burst out into song.

"I like pizza, I like bagels. I like hot dogs with mustard and cola-!"

"I get the picture," Snake interrupted however, Pit continued singing and prancing around.

"I'll eat curry, I could even eat a baby deer. La-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la! Who's that baby deer on the lawn there?"

"Enough already!" Snake interrupted with more force this time, causing Pit to frown.

"Sorry."

Snake took a minute or two to contemplate. While they were losing a valued food critic, perhaps this energetic child might be the answer they are looking for. Sure Bayonetta was one of their top critics yet Snake wanted someone more fresh, more open-minded and honest about their meals rather than someone who pried their eyes on their plate with complete skepticism.

"Hey listen," the older man simply told him. "I just had a thought. We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats."

"No, it usually takes a few hours," Pit answered, taking Snake's metaphor about harshly criticizing meals literally—and figuratively.

"Uh…" Snake was taken back for a slight moment, wishing he could erase that tidbit about the angel. The final thing he needed to know about some strange middle schooler who wandered off from a class tour is the schedule for his bowel movements. "Look, I'd like to give you a tryout. Write a five-hundred word sample review. If it passes muster, we'll put you on staff."

"Thanks for the chance. You'll never regret this Mr. Editing Guy!" Pit boldly exclaimed with full confidence. The angel made his way towards the exit yet halted in his tracks. Tilting his head, he peered over in Snake's direction once more.

"Before I go, can you tell me what muster means?"

Snake sighed. "Muster means to collect or assemble or in this case, inspection."

"So… passes inspection? Alright, I think I got this!"

With those words, Pit bolted out of the room not before snatching a slice of pizza on the way. Little did he know, the angel signed up more than he could bargain for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now. As for those already familiar with the episode and have seen it, you know how this is going to end.
> 
> It was pretty difficult trying to find out who could fit Skinner's role, so I went with one of the most uptight knights I know, Frederick.
> 
> PS. If you know who replaced Groundskeeper Willie in the fic, you earn a cookie!


	2. A Surprising Partnership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit discovers conveying his love of food into words is much more difficult than it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly this went a lot faster than I thought, then again I had nothing better to do so why not continue working on a silly parody. Not gonna lie, I'm having much more fun with this than I thought.
> 
> This time I remembered to glance at my paper a few times and fix some errors before submitting. Not like that's going to stop me from taking another glimpse yet again.
> 
> Anyways, I do not own The Simpsons, Super Smash Brothers or any of the other franchises implemented in this story.  
> The same can also go for original characters... well, one of them is an alternative version of an existing character.

As school ended for the day, Pit couldn’t wait to get home. Ever since the spur of the moment job offer, the angel conjured up multiple ways of how to tackle his mock review. He had tons of subjects he could utilize, ranging from the time he ate a double cheeseburger during his vacation at Delfino Plaza to one of his all-time favorites, floor ice cream! While he did enjoy the thought of as well as eating food in general, Pit struggled to narrow it down to a simple topic. Dark Pit took note of Pit's silence during the bus ride home, finding it completely abnormal. While he did enjoy the quiet atmosphere, it felt odd to witness the unbearably cheerful angel with his mouth shut. He was used to his brother talking his ear off, chatting up a vigorous tornado about meaningless subjects despite caring less about most of Pit’s interests to begin with.

The bus arrived at their house as the twin angels got off alongside the addition of Viridi. Pit raised a brow, wondering what business the small goddess had to attend. Dark Pit observed the light-winged angel’s astounded look on his face before opening the door. Neither of them ushered a word as they stepped inside, making their way upstairs thus leaving Pit to his own devices. While the angel could pry his brother for Viridi’s sudden visit, he quickly remembered he had a restaurant review to type up before sundown.

Pit tossed his backpack on the couch, making haste towards the closet. Opening the door without second thought, the angel stepped inside, scanning the premises for a certain object until he caught sight of it. He snapped his fingers in joy, pulled out the typewriter and ran towards the kitchen before gently placing it down. Afterwards, he grabbed a couple pieces of blank paper, inserting a piece of paper into the outdated machine, using its roller knobs to feed the paper into it until the top of the page rested itself behind the keys.

While setting up his station, an older angel with red hair stepped inside the kitchen and looked at Pit with curious eyes. He was surprised to see him utilizing a typewriter out of all things, finding it quite amusing yet nevertheless, the younger angel never ceased to intrigue him.

“You know Pit, the “I” doesn’t work on that typewriter,” Icarus casually told him.

“We don’t need no stinkin’ I.” Pit answered back. Grabbing a fake pair of glasses, the angel placed them on his face while the other angel shrugged in response before taking leave. He began repeatedly tapping his chin for ideas, trying his best to keep in mind the “I” on the typewriter didn’t work.

“Restaurant Review—no, Delectable Edibles—no!”

It turned out brainstorming was much more difficult than Pit intended it to be. The angel sat there for a moment, trying his best to think of words which didn’t utilize the word “I” for his title. Soon, it hit him! Pit gasped in delight, holding his finger up.

“Food Box- Go or No Go, by Pit—no.” He paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to proceed on so he could actually write the review before continuing. “Tip—no! Percy Athena!”

Pit started typing out his review, trying his best to get to five hundred words. Not once did it ever cross his mind to proofread the sample review then again, he did decide to work with a typewriter which lacked one of the six vowels. Around an estimate of twenty minutes later, Pit finally finished his sample review as the angel swiftly darted out of the kitchen, taking Palutena by surprise.

“Hey Pit, where are you going?” the goddess asked him.

“Just out real quick Lady Palutena! I promise I’ll be back soon. No later before dinner, okay?”

Before she could even seize the chance to reply, Pit took off with his bike, making his way towards the Smashfield Shopper to meet up with Snake.

* * *

Evening time rolled around as Pit arrived at the building. He placed his bike somewhere away from the public eye to prevent it from getting stolen before entering. The angel eagerly made his way towards Snake’s office, busting the door open as the man dropped his cigarette. He honestly didn’t expect Pit to show up on the same day he was issued the assignment.

“Well kid, show me what you’ve got.”

Pit handed Snake his sample review as he folded his arms together, hoping his paper was up to par with the man’s standards. The angel tried his hardest to work with what he could, even if it meant making up a couple of non-existent words and then some to reach the requirement.

Snake’s eyes were fixated on the paper as silence filled the room with its invisible blanket. Truth be told, the noiseless ambiance made Pit tense up as not once did Snake usher a word nor make a sound. Shortly after, Snake started chuckling which confused the nervous angel. He continued laughing to the point where a teardrop escaped his left eye as the man wiped it, catching his breath.

“Well?” Pit eagerly questioned. “What do you think?”

Snake paused to recollect his thoughts, trying his best to figure out how to exactly word it. While he would have been more professional during the day, seeing how he just wanted to go home at this point, Snake concluded he needed to be straightforward with the kid.

“This is a joke, right? I mean, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read.”

Pit frowned, obviously upset by the man’s blunt remarks. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, you keep using words like “pasghetti” and “momatoes.” You make numerous threatening references to something called the Chaos Kin. And at the end, you repeat the words “Screw Hades” over and over again.”

“Oh, it’s so hard to get to five-hundred words,” Pit whined. Snake knelt down and gently placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Oh, look, Pit, I’m sorry-!”

“No, no!” Pit pushed Snake’s arm away from him. “You’re right! It’s a joke!”

He started to laugh, confusing Snake. First the boy was devastated about his honest review on his paper, now suddenly he’s bluffing. Snake wondered which one was it yet decided not to interrogate it and instead, was curious to see where this was going.

“Everyone laugh at the funny joke! Ha-ha! I’ll be right back with the real review.”

Snake just shook his head and rolled his eyes. As for Pit, he stormed out of the office, removed his bike from the bushes, hopped on as he immediately took off, pedaling with all of his might.

* * *

Back at his house, Pit slammed the bathroom door and submerged himself in a tub full of hot water as the shower ran in the background, striking his back. The angel scrubbed himself with a skin brush, repeatedly muttering under his breath as he whimpered.

“Still not clean. Stink of failure still on me!”

As thoughts of failure continued to plague his mind, a sudden knock was heard on the door. Viridi was one for usually telling Pit to stop wallowing and get over it. Instead, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He wasn’t necessarily the brightest nor the best when it came to writing so in retrospect, he was doomed for failure from the start.

“Pit, I’m sorry the editor didn’t like your review. I’ll help you write a new one if you’ll just let me use the bathroom!”

Pit proceeded to scrub his head, still distressed from the unexpected outcome. He was most certain he had everything down correctly.

“Still not clean. Still not clean!”

* * *

The two were inside the master bedroom utilizing Palutena’s desktop. Viridi sat on the computer chair while Pit looked over the screen.

“Okay, what restaurant did we review?” Pit asked.

“Well, we went to Pâté LaBelle last week. How about that?” the goddess suggested.

“Great. Now let me think.” Pit took a moment to think about the restaurant last week. If one were to gaze upon his toga, they would notice a red stain at the bottom corner near the center. “The food was—mmm-“The angel paused for just a second, grabbing his toga as he licked the stain, smacking his lips together. “Not undelicious.”

Viridi translated which she dubbed as Pitglish to the best of her ability, typing up a simple sentence before responding. “The food is delicious.”

Pit gasped in awe. “That’s brilliant! Then I had the sweet, sweet chocolate mousse.” He raised his finger, reminiscing the rich, frothy, creamy dessert as he tried his best to capture its decadent taste. “Really the only word for it is-“

The next thing she knew, Pit proceeded to salivate as he drifted off into his own world, imagining himself taking another bite out of the chocolate mousse. Drool gurgled in his mouth, forming its own hot spring between the angel’s throat.

Viridi stared at him for a minute before glancing back at the computer screen. “Hmm. What’s the English equivalent for Pit’s sudden drivel?” She paused for a moment, mediating a couple of possibilities before moving on. “I’d say transcendent.”

As Viridi typed, Pit thought of another colorful description on whim. “How about groin-grabbingly transcendent?” he gleefully suggested with full emphasis.

The goddess slightly turned her towards Pit, exchanging a gaze of displeasure as she narrowed her eyes at his creativity. “Uh, I don’t think so,” she bluntly reprimanded. Alternatively, Pit seemed to ignore her straightforward remark about his newfound term.

“We make a good team.” Pit proceeded to lean towards the monitor, placing his hand on Viridi’s shoulder as he formed a fist with his other. “A groin-grabbingly good team.”

Viridi naturally rolled her eyes in response, knowing her criticism leaped over the naïve angel’s head the first time she told him no. After a few more minutes of helping Pit write a professional sample review, she began counting the number of words to make sure they didn’t go over the required word limit.

“Four-hundred and ninety seven, four-hundred and ninety eight words. Hmph.” Viridi was definitely sure they managed to reach five-hundred somehow yet to her dismay, her screen told another story.

“How about screw Hades?” Pit suggested, pointing at the screen as he beamed, being glad the goddess decided to offer her services in the first place.

Viridi stared at him before glancing back at the computer, typing in the two last phrases. “Bon appetit.”

“Ehh, both’s good,” Pit dully exclaimed.

* * *

The next day transitioned rather swiftly as Pit immediately pedaled his way to the Smashfield Shopper after school. His sample review rested inside his backpack, stored inside an empty folder which distinct itself from the rest of his belongings. Shortly after his arrival, Pit hopped off the bike, securely locking it in place and dashed inside the building in search of Snake.

He eventually found Snake inside the processing room, taking the editor by surprise. Snake didn’t suspect Pit to return after yesterday’s unfortunate mishap yet the angel certainly proved him wrong. He crossed his arms together, his gaze fixated on Pit the entire time. Not once did they drift off from their target as Pit removed his backpack, unzipped it and took out the folder and extended his arm.

“Here’s my review Mr. Editing Guy!” The angel beamed, being extremely proud of his personal triumph of hitting the required goal of five-hundred words (with the help of Viridi).

“Just call me Snake.” The newspaper editor moved his arms, grabbing the folder from Pit, removing the sample review out of its sleeve before giving Pit back his folder. Clutching onto the paper, Snake started reading right away as his brows narrowed, causing Pit to fold his arms in anticipation. While he stormed inside with the utmost confidence and a smile on his face, Pit somehow doubted if he would be able to satisfy Snake’s requirements. To his own astonishment, Snake was impressed.

“Not bad! Not bad at all!” Pit’s paper managed to convince him that yesterday’s review was in fact, a practical joke well played. “We’re gonna on this on page one… of section H-2.”

Pit beamed wide, excited with the results. The young angel cheered in celebration as he fist pumped. “Whoo-hoo! Stop the presses!”

A random worker gasped, first looking at Pit then at the red button in front of him, not sure if he should listen to Pit’s orders or ignore him. He hesitated a bit, reacting with panic as he pushed the button with his palm. The printing machine started to go off as the alarm blared, causing another machine to sway back and forth, squirting out ink in all kinds of directions.

Snake’s jaw dropped, trying to process the entire mess which demonstrated its sudden outlandish performance right in front of him. Pit on the other hand, pay little to no heed of the scene which transpired earlier and instead, placed his review on top of a set of abruptly printed newspaper pages, patting it gently like a wooden drum. His lips curled wide as he turned toward the employee and moved his left arm towards his mouth, shouting. He couldn’t quite contain his excitement or rather, keep his overall posture and positive attitude prim, proper and poise with a healthy side of no-nonsense like his younger brother—well, despite Dark Pit also being pragmatic, cocky and full of arrogance.

“Okay, start the presses!” Pit happily boasted.

Snake glowered at his new food critic, both of his arms resting on his hips. “That takes four hours!” The man informed him, irritation being evident in his tone.

Pit however seemed disinterested. Instead, he flung his arm and turned towards the exit. “Whatever. I’ll be at home.”

Meanwhile, Snake face palmed, taking a deep breath which was preceded by an annoyed grunt afterwards. He gradually moved his arm downward, his face slightly following its rhythmic motion as he grumbled a few curse words under his breath.

“Something tells me it’s only going to go downhill from here…”

With that being said, he figured by the end of his shift he’ll definitely need a nice, cool, refreshing glass of beer if Pit was going to be like this from here on out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time to see Pit actually reviewing his first restaurant. I already have the perfect character in mind for the role of the French pastry chef later on.
> 
> Bonus if you get the joke behind Pit's alternative name he used before having Viridi help him.


End file.
